Rebirth is always difficult. The bindings that chain you internally can be the most difficult and the most frightening to break. ~ Tarot, #46
I’ve been having a really difficult time lately. Mentally and spiritually. Physically I’ve been alright - but things could be better. Need to take care of some things before they spiral out of control.
But it’s been a long time since I’ve sat at my altar for esbat. Or tidy things up and decorate for the next sabbat. There’s been too much clutter in my mind. A lot of stress, worry. A LOT of uncertainty in my life the past few months, and still going forward. I don’t know what the future will bring… and it honestly, truly scares me.
But last weekend I took the opportunity to relax/meditate. I brought outside a tealight candle, incense stick, and some of my crystals with me to view the waning moon. I also brought out an offering/libation, as I wished to speak/send a message to the Gods.
I placed my candle and incense on the dirt of my garden plants, made sure no leaves would be close enough to get burnt and lit them up. Even letting my crystals sit on the cold earth, I just let the breeze take with it my mind-clutter. And with a clear mind and open heart, speak to the Universe.
I really just needed a sign, a message, something to let me know that everything is going to be okay. It was selfish. I knew that, then and now. But I needed it. I needed it to help me move forward.
Once the incense burned out and felt satisfied, I grabbed my things and headed into the kitchen, noticing the apple pie out. Decided that a piece of pie sounded like a great end of my pseudo-ritual, and noticed something attached to the side of my plastic bottle. Figured a leaf or something got stuck to it somehow, since it was sitting on the ground outside for sometime.
And I was greeted with this beautiful little creature - a slug. Poking it’s little antennae in the air and sucking them back in, trudging along an inch or two.
I was caught totally off-guard, didn’t expect that. I was heading outside to put it back, but instead I watched it for a few minutes under the light, utterly fascinated. I grabbed a leaf off the houseplant and let the slug crawl on top at it’s own pace, then placed it back outside. Once I grabbed my dessert and cleaned up, I figured there must be some spiritual information about slugs on the good ‘ol internet, right?
I came across this lovely forum site, with this info on the Slug. The original source is not there, but almost the entire description spoke to me on a very deep level. Here is another with similar information.
I have felt a lot better after that night.
I hope this is a turning point for me, and I would like to remember to leave offerings outside for my little garden friends, as well as completing some projects I have wanted to do for sometime now.
Even if I still go at my own pace, I’m okay with that.